


Promise not to fall.

by saturn_934



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Superfamily Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depressed Peter Parker, Friendly Steve Rogers, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It is really sad so please, M/M, Other, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Break, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Peter Parker is Trying His Best, Peter Parker is a Mess, Poor Peter Parker, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Sad Peter Parker, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, don't read this if those things trigger you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:47:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturn_934/pseuds/saturn_934
Summary: "And the thing is, after what happened, Peter had promised himself that he was not going to fall. He needed to be strong for his dad. He needed to be strong for his uncle Rhodey. He needed to be strong for the family that stayed with him. He needed to be strong. He had to be strong. And don't get it wrong, he was strong. Really strong. Until he wasn't anymore."Or, after the events of "Civil War" Peter had promised himself that he was not going to fall, that he needed to be strong for everyone. But everyone falls, and even that he didn't want that to happen, it happened and in the worst way possible.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 11
Kudos: 135





	Promise not to fall.

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to a song and this idea came, so here it is! Please guys, this is really sad and depressing, so if you triggered by this, don't read.
> 
> And, if you have a request, just go ahead and ask on the comments or follow me on Tumblr (petertingle-19) and make your request on my post.  
> Lots of love and stay safe! Hope you guys like it as much as i did! (Really, i loved it) ❤️❤️

"Dad? You sure you're okay? I can stay with you if you want.." 

"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry, just...go take a shower, eat something and try to rest, huh?" 

"Okay.. "

What people called "Civil War" just happened, his dad and his pops fought so bad, and the rest of his family...damn, everything was ruined. His family was ruined. 

And, the thing is, after what happened, Peter had promised himself that he was not going to fall. He needed to be strong for his dad. He needed to be strong for his uncle Rhodey. He needed to be strong for the family that stayed with him. He needed to be strong. He had to be strong. And don't get it wrong, he was strong. Really strong. Until he wasn't anymore.

Peter made sure that his dad was fine, he helped him through all the panic attacks, through all the pain, he didn't leave his side and he always did what he could to help him feel better, to help him not to fall, like he was doing.

"I'm fine now, bambino.." Tony just had another panic attack and Peter was at his side, caressing his back and just being there, holding him close and making sure that he was okay.

"Come on, let's put you on bed." Peter said and stood up, he helped his dad and then, both of them went to bed.

"Do you want me to sleep here today, papa?" Tony just nodded and Peter laid on his side, hugged him and rested his head on his dad's chest.

"I just wanna everything to be okay, dad."

"I know, baby. Everything will be okay, I promise." 

"I feel like I'm not doing enough to help you. Am I? Not doing enough..?"

"What? Pete, baby..no! You're doing great, il mio cuore, you're doing great. And I couldn't be more thankful for having you as my son, my baby." Tony kissed his kid's head and sighed.

"I feel bad for missing pops, dad. I'm sorry. I shouldn't miss him, I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey.." Tony held Peter's chin and made the kid look at him. "It's okay and totally normal that you miss him, bambino. He's your dad too, and yes, he messed up really bad, and your uncles and aunts too, but it's okay that you miss them. They're your family after all, sweetheart. Don't blame yourself for that." 

"You promise?" 

"I promise, baby. Now let's sleep, huh? Spiderbabies need to rest."

"Old iron guys need to rest too, dad."

"Your little shit." Peter chuckled and closed his eyes.

"I love you, Pete."

"I love you too, dad."  
.  
.  
After that day, Peter just closed himself, just kept his feelings inside him and for him. Why? He didn't want to bother his dad, who was struggling really bad with all this shit.  
But Peter was too, and he was getting tired. Really tired.

"Hey, kid." Rhodey said, walking through the kitchen and resting one hand on Peter's back.

"Hey, uncle Rhodey.. how's dad?"

"He's going to be okay. He's sleeping now, that was a really bad one." Peter sighed and nodded.

"I know." (And I couldn't help) Peter thought.

"He misses Steve and I know that Steve misses you two too. But things need to calm down a little after we can all talk about this, with everyone."

"I know." Rhodey gave Peter a small smile and sighed.

"I'm going to bed too, Pete. Today was a rough day. You should try to rest too."

"I know. I'm gonna go in a few minutes. Night, uncle Rhodey." " Night, Pete."

And after Rhodey left the kitchen, Peter looked at the floor and without realizing, he got lost in his head.  
His eyes were closed, trying to keep the tears inside, trying to keep his pain hid. Trying not to fall. Like he had promised two months ago. 

(I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I can't fall. I promised i wouldn't fall. I promised that i was going to be strong. I promised. I promis-) his thoughts were cut by his sobs. He put his hand on his mouth and sobbed silently, suffered in silence. Like he'd been doing since all the shit happened. 

(I'm fine. It's okay. I'm fine) 

He missed his family. He missed the old times. He missed how things were a few months ago. He missed when he didn't feel like he was falling fast and deep from a cliff. 

(You promised. You can't fall.) 

Yeah, things were fucked up. Peter Stark Rogers was fucked up and he was scared. Oh, so, so scared. So, so alone. 

(You promised not to fall. You can't fall. You have to be strong for everyone. You can't put this burden on your dad's shoulders or into anyone's. Put your shit together. You're being dramatic. You shouldn't be feeling like this.)  
But how could he not feel like this when his family, when everyone that he loved, was hurting? And worse, when they were apart from each other.

(You promised not to fall. Now you have to deal with it.) 

So, yeah. He went to his room, his face was red and tears wouldn't stop falling down, his eyes were blurred and he...he didn't know what that feeling was. But he felt it, he felt it really bad. And it hurt, so, so bad. 

Laying on his bed, he looked at the roof and just stayed in silence, just listening to all the mess that his brain was. 

(You promised not to fall.) 

His mind kept telling him.  
.  
.  
.  
And that's how things were doing. And it only got worse. 

"Morning, baby." Tony said and even that Peter stayed all night awake, crying, thinking, suffering, he smiled. He put a bright smile on his face and kissed his dad's forehead. "Morning, dad. Where's uncle Rhodey?"

"He had to leave for a meeting with Pepper. Come on, you need to eat, you're going to be late for school." Peter nodded and started eating, even that he wasn't hungry, at all.  
.  
.  
"Peter, dude, sure you're okay? You've been acting...just not like you lately."

"I'm fine, Ned. Promise." (You promised not to fall.)  
.  
.  
And each day that passed, things were only getting worse and worse. Peter felt like he was drowning and the worse part, was that no one was coming to save him. But he couldn't drown. But that's how he felt like.  
.  
.  
"So, they're basically... missing?" 

"No, bambino. They're just... keeping distance, Fury knows where they are, but he can't tell us. Steve said that things are going to be better like this. They need time, we need time. I need time yet." Peter nodded and smiled softly. 

"It's okay, papa." (I miss them. I miss how things were. I just wish i could start this all again. I just wish i could go back in time.) He thought as he hugged his dad, who now had tears falling down on his face.

"You miss him, dad?" Peter asked, cleaning the tears on his dad's face with his finger. 

"I feel bad for it. But yeah, baby. I miss him." 

"I'm sure he misses you too, dad." Peter held his father closer and closed his eyes, trying to keep his tears back. (You promised not to fall. You promised not to fall.)  
.  
.  
Being spider-man was good, but he wasn't spider-man for a while now. He didn't want to go outside during the night and fight strangers, he didn't want to do this anymore. He just wanted to stay on bed all the time, he didn't want to eat, or shower, or just...live. But he had too. (You promised not to fall) His mind kept telling him.  
So, here he was. Sitting on the top a building, as spider-man without his mask, looking at the city of New York. Hearing the small talks around him, looking at the people down him, walking around the streets at the night. He listened to people laughing and he smiled, a sad and broken smiled. When was the last time that he truly smiled? He couldn't remember.

"Hey, pops...i miss you. And everyone else. Dad misses you too..." His voice was numb, so, so numb. "Please, come back."  
A single tear fell over his face and he sighed. "I just want things to go back to what they were a few months ago. I just want to feel like i used to before all this shit happened. Please, just come back and I promise that we can fix this all." And with that, Peter left the message at the mailbox.  
He closed his eyes and brought his knees to his chest.

"I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired." Peter cried, Peter screamed, Peter sobbed, Peter let himself feel that pain. But only now, because he was alone and no one could see him and he couldn't bother anyone. Once he went home again, he couldn't let anyone know about this, cause he promised not to fall. (You promised not to fall, Pete.) His mind told him again.  
.  
.  
"You're okay, kid?" Happy asked after picking him up at school. 

"Yeah, happy. Why you're asking?" (Please don't say that you noticed. Please, i need to be the only one to take care of myself. Please, I promised.) 

"don't know, you're just quiet. Usually you're eating my ear off after school." (He didn't noticed.) Peter felt good that he didn't noticed, but what was that... disappointed feeling? He didn't know. 

"Ah, I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about stuff, but if you want, i can start talking and talking till we get to the tower. Really, i can always talk about something, like, dude, there was a new kid at my class today and he was so frickin annoying and ju-" 

Happy laughed softly and nodded his head while listening, the kid was okay.  
.  
.  
At the first time that thought crossed his mind, he was at the lab, 04:30 A.M., sitting on a chair, looking at a blade standing on the table. Thinking about everything, and the same time, about nothing.  
He was exhausted, he couldn't feel anymore. It was a long time since the last time he truly felt something. Maybe, five months ago, before the fight. Before his family broke down. Yeah, that was the last time he could feel something that wasn't numbness and...just that exhausted feeling.

He walked through the table and looked at the blade. He took it on his hands and pressed his finger on it, watching as the blood started coming out of the small cut. (You promised not to fall.) He knew that he promised that. But maybe, the blade wasn't going to make he fall, maybe it was what was going to save him. Save him from himself. From his thoughts. From his mind. From breaking his promise of not falling.  
Things were going to be okay now.  
Except that things only got worse. Again.  
.  
.  
"Baby?" He was looking at his ceiling when he heard his dad's voice. He couldn't sleep. Not now. Not since the fight. He was exhausted.  
"Hey, dad." He looked at him and tried to put a smile on his face. Exactly, tried. Because now, he couldn't even do this anymore. Even faking a smile was exhausting now. 

"It's late, what you're doing up, dad?" Peter said, after looking at the clock, it saying " 03:43 a.m.". 

"Nightmare. Just...wanted to make sure that you were okay." Tony sat on his bed and looked at his son. "I called your name three times before you finally heard it. You were just looking at the ceiling. What's wrong?" Peter just looked at him, and Tony felt like a stone just fell on his stomach. Peter's eyes were so... emotionless. So empty. 

"Are you okay, Bambino?" His kid nodded, before smiling softly. "I'm fine, dad. You're the one that had a nightmare. Wanna talk about it?" 

"I think I'm fine by just.. staying here with you, making sure that you're okay."

"Okay." Peter said. 

"Okay." Tony whispered and laid at his side. Peter sighed and started looking at the ceiling again. "I'm tired, dad."

"Huh?" 

"You asked me what was wrong... I'm tired, dad." Tony put his son on his arms and held him.

"I know, baby. You've been doing so much for me, for Rhodey. You're the one that is taking care of everyone. I'm sorry, that's not your job." (That's not what I'm talking about, dad. Please, notice that I'm tired. Im exhausted. I don't wanna do this anymore. I can't. Please, notice it, dad.) His mind screamed and Peter just looked at his dad, before nodding, seeing that Tony wasn't going to notice it. 

"It's my job to take care of you, dad. It's our job to take care of each other. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be tired of it."

"You can be tired of it, il mio cuore. You're okay. We're going to be okay. I'm feeling better now than i was a few months ago. Things are going to be okay." 

"I'm glad that you're okay.." (Cause I'm not and i hate this feeling. I don't even know what this feeling is.) 

"Me too, baby. Thanks to you, huh?" Tony smiled softly and kissed his forehead before closing his eyes.  
(I could say to him what I'm feeling. But you don't know what you're feeling.)  
Peter sighed and looked at the ceiling again, trying to hold his tears.  
(You promised not to fall. You promised not to fall. You promised not to fall.) His mind screamed.  
.  
.  
Holding that blade against his wrist just felt right. It felt better. It felt...like something.  
Craving that blade on his wrist felt right. It felt cold, but felt like something.  
Watching the blood coming out of his wrist felt right. It felt really warm. It felt like something.  
Laying his head against the bathroom wall while his eyes were closing and he was starting to feel weak and numb again felt right. It felt right. It felt lonely and depressing, but he could finally close his eyes and try to rest, without having to worry with nightmares of his father killing his dad. Without the vulture dropping that building on him. Without the drowning feeling. So yeah, dying felt right. It felt like something. So it was cool.  
(You promised not to fall, Peter.) His mind remembered him. But everyone fall at some point. No one is made of iron. No one will live forever. And if you wanna live, you have to know that you're going to fall a lot during this. But people could fight against this feeling. People could get better.  
But, Peter? He didn't know what that feeling was. And he didn't want to fight against that. So he just closed his eyes and let himself fall, finally.  
He remembered hearing screams, terrified screams. Who was that? From where it was coming? He didn't know, and he didn't want to know. So, he just let the darkness take care of him.  
.  
.  
"Huh...w-..what?" Peter opened his eyes slowly.

"He's waking up! Bruce, he's waking up!" He heard someone saying too loud. 

"Baby, baby, hey...can you hear me? It's dad. And pop's here too, bambino." Peter was confused.

"D-dad...?" He looked at the man at his side, his dad. He looked so relieved and so fucking broken. 

"H-hey, baby." He said, tears falling over his face. 

"Pops..?" The other man, his pops, was at his other side of the bed, holding his hand too and also crying. Looking so tired and scared. Peter didn't want to see them like that. What happened?

"What happened?"  
Tony sobbed and rest his head on Peter's arm, holding his kid's hand. 

"Y-you...oh, god, I can't say it, Steve."

Steve wasn't better than Tony, they were both crying, but Steve seemed like he could say whatever happened. Tony didn't.

"You tried to kill yourself, Pete..." And that was it. That was what Peter needed to finally remember what happened. 

"I'm sorry.."

"No! Please, baby. You don't have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing." Tony said and got on his bed, he sat on Peter's side and put his son on his arms. He held him so tightly and so close, he was acting like if they blinked, Peter would disappear.  
Steve did the same and sat on his kid's other side, holding him tightly. 

"We're so sorry for not noticing, baby. We're so sorry." His pops said and kissed his head. 

" It was not your fault." He said, feeling so comfortable and loved between his fathers. He felt...he felt something for the first time in months. He finally could feel something. 

"Where's everyone?" 

"They're waiting outside, Bruce was going to check on you, but he decided that we should talk to you first." Dad said.

"I missed this...i missed feeling something." He said, closing his eyes, not noticing the tears that started falling over his parents faces again. 

"We missed you, baby. You stayed three days unconscious. We were so scared, Pete. We thought we would lose you." Pops said.

"We can't lose you, bambino. Please, we can't lose you. We need you, il mio cuore. I need you." 

"I'm sorry." Peter sighed. "I was just...so tired. Like, so fucking tired." He looked at the window in front of them and he could see the sun coming down, that was cool. 

"Things are going to be okay now, right?"  
He looked at his dads and Steve, for the first time, sobbed. He hugged his kid so tightly and kissed his forehead.

"Things are going to be okay now, baby." Steve said and looked at Tony, who joined the hug and sighed.

"You guys are going to divorce?" They both shook their heads.

"We're going to be okay, bambino. All of us." 

Peter smiled softly. After all that time, he finally smiled.  
(You promised not to fall.)  
He did, but he fell. He fell really hard. And he wasn't better, far from this. But now he knew that maybe, things could be better.

"I love you..and i missed you." 

"We love you too, baby. So, so much." Steve caressed his son's hair.

"And we missed you so bad. But now you're awake, and things are going to be okay." Tony said and pressed his cheek on his kid's hair. 

"We promise."

"I promised not to fall..at the beginning, i promised not to fall." His parents stayed in silence for a few seconds, before his dad said: 

"If you fall again, we will be there to catch you. You're not alone on this. We promise."

And yeah, for the first time in months, he felt something. And it wasn't numbness or exhaustion.  
He could fall again, even that he promised that he wouldn't, but now he knew that someone was going to catch him if it happens again.

**Author's Note:**

> And if there's any mistakes, I'm sorry but english is not my first language and I'm still learning! 💛


End file.
